Addicted to Mayo
by Kagurazaka
Summary: What happens if Natsuki has one too many mayo?


Addicted to Mayo

Disclaimer: Mai-HiME and mayo belongs to their respective owner.

Slight OOCness and distorted diet facts may occur.

---

Weird.

_Just last month it still fits perfectly…_ A girl named Kuga Natsuki thought as she struggled to get inside the tight latex bodysuit, eyeing herself on the mirror meanwhile, trying desperately to find what was wrong.

_Did the freaking fabric shrink?_ Was it because she accidentally used a dishwashing agent instead of a detergent? She had to try. Hopping out of the bathroom and towards the main room with a leg inside a the tight fabric, she grabbed a handful of clothes that had just suffered the same fate as the body suit currently blocking her blood flow, and hopped back to the bathroom, this time while untangling herself from the cursed suit.

"Damn it…" The navy haired girl muttered under her breath, frantically trying to unhook the suit from her legs. It only went to her thighs and yet it already felt like a second skin. The unpeel-able kind, mind you.

Letting out a grunt, she yanked hard, to no avail. _Dammit, did someone put superglue on it or what!_ It was frustrating, hell, that was an understatement. She wasn't _exactly _famous for her kaichou-like temper, and that fact didn't help one bit. Unlike other clothes which she only bought just for the hell of it, she _really_ liked this thing. Enough to wear it every day. She'd really hate it if her scissors had to make an emergency appearance. _I think I still have the shop's address somewhere… that guy is so gonna die. _Yep, she'd really hate it.

---

"Err- Does dishwashing liquid make clothes shrink?"

"Yeah," Glaring at the bottle she held on her hand, Natsuki confirmed her original question.

In the end, she spent exactly 12 minutes 58 seconds to wrench her body suit from hogging her legs to death. She was almost fully convinced then that whoever had sold her that thing had cheated her (blabbering something about long lasting or whatever when she bought it), when she tried on her other clothes and found them equally tight, so she started blaming whatever it is she put inside the laundry machine.

Before shooting it to death, the trigger-happy girl went with her better judgment and decided to consult things with Mai first. After all, she _was_ the mighty Kitchen Queen. There was a high probability she would know about these things.

It took about 20 seconds before Mai finally uttered a word. "Well…" She started uncertainly, "Eh… I haven't tried it but… No, I don't think so."

Natsuki sighed, seemed like even the Kitchen Queen has no knowledge in this matter. "I see, thank anyways." Her glare at the bottle increased its ferocity.

Just as she was about to put (slam) the phone back to oblivion, the other line suddenly spoke up again. "Hey, how did you manage to use mistake _that _and a detergent anyways?"

"It's not my fault they look so damn similar," Was her reply. Actually, the only thing they had in common is the color of the packages; yellow. Well, Natsuki never really gave a damn with household stuff anyway; her apartment was, after all, dubbed as unsuitable for human habitat.

---

"And so that's what happened." Natsuki remarked carelessly, squirting half a bottle worth of mayo, covering her bowl of soba with white creamy stuff. Feeling that it was enough, she lifted her chop sticks and began stirring.

She was having lunch as usual at the Student Council room with the Kaichou-sama itself, retelling her story and letting out her irritation with phrases like, "And that was my favorite suit too, geez, someone really had to put a big fat red label indicating which one's which, seriously, do they expect people to squint at it?" or something similar to that. Luckily, her portable stress reliever (a.k.a mayo) did its job perfectly today. Her mood was immediately lifted after having a taste of the god sent mayo.

"Hmm… I see…" Shizuru nodded, her calm smile as serene as always, but her eyes somehow glinted with mischievousness. She calmly eyed Natsuki's mayo infested soba, took note of it (while would make others suffer from sudden nausea, seemed perfectly fine for her), and diverted her gaze to her bentou, which consisted of typical low-in-fat Japanese food.

_Ah, of course. _"Natsuki?"

"Mm?" The lord of mayo looked up from her err- _healthy _dish and mm-ed her reply as she slurped a chunk of noodles. "Yeah?" She asked, after successfully savoring the full creamy taste of her delightful mayo.

"Have Natsuki gained weight recently?"

"I- WHAT?" She stared at the smiling kaichou wide-eyed, her mayo completely forgotten. _What the heck does that has to do with my current situation?_

She decided to voice her mind, "What the heck was that _for?_"

Without answering, Shizuru stood up and went to Natsuki's side of the table. The slightly taller woman grabbed her hand and started leading her to god-knows-where.

"H-hey Shizuru! Where are we going?" She tried to yank her hand out of Shizuru's grip, but surprisingly, for a woman so elegant, she possessed a grip of steel.

"Don't worry, Natsuki." After this she remained silent and followed her obediently while Shizuru dragged her through the winding corridors. Prying information from Shizuru's stubbornness was quite impossible, she learned that long ago.

After at least two minutes of dragging the poor girl along, Shizuru finally stopped in front of the infirmary.

"Why-"

"Would Natsuki mind waiting here for a moment?"

"No, but-"

Shizuru gave her a closed eyes smile and went inside the room, closing the door behind her.

_What the hell…_ Natsuki sighed, it wasn't the first time Shizuru had left her in the dark like this, she didn't mind… but Youko-sensei? _Damnit Shizuru, if I can only understand half of what's going on in your brain…_

Yet another sigh. Now she seriously regretted asking Shizuru for advice. She leaned against the wall next to the door, not before sticking her ear on it (the door, I mean) and tried to eavesdrop to no avail.

Five agonizing, boring minutes filled with anguish for her cold mayo soba, Shizuru finally opened the door and beckoned her in.

"So, what was that about?" She inquired, after making herself comfortable on one of the beds. Shizuru was sitting on a chair not far from it.

Youko exhaled, "Finally huh?"

_Finally? _"Finally?"

A point towards the scale was her answer. "I need to you to weigh yourself for me."

Reluctantly, Natsuki got up, eyebrow rising skeptically. Just because Shizuru said she gained weight didn't mean that she really- _HOLY CRAP._

Shizuru apparently noticed her surprise. She went over, and peeked over Natsuki's shoulder. "Ara," her hand automatically covered her mouth, "Natsuki weighs…"

"Sixty three?" The younger girl shouted, barely able to contain her shock.

"Just as I thought," Youko said behind them. Both Natsuki and Shizuru turned around, Natsuki demanding an explanation, and Shizuru… well, being Shizuru.

"Just as you see," the teacher continued, gesturing towards a sheet of paper with Natsuki's photo on it, "You've gained nine kilograms in a year."

If it was even possible, Natsuki's eyes widened even more. "B-but how?" She stammered, "I mean, I haven't changed my eating habit or anything!"

A heavy sigh came from Youko, "_That's_ where the problem lies." She turned around in her chair and retrieved something from her drawer. She held it up so they could see it clearly.

"…Mayo?"

"Yes. Now, do you _even_ know how much calories a single tablespoon of this _thing _contains?"

_Hey, leave my mayo alone from this._

Natsuki gave a curt answer and folded her hands on her chest, "No."

"…As expected. One tablespoon of _this_ contains one hundred calories, which is equivalent to 0.25 of the total recommended caloric intake of teenagers. It also contains eleven grams of fat, one sixth of the recommended daily amount. Now, how much of _this_ do you usually consume a day?"

A frown was slowly forming, _I don't like where this is going…_

Well, at least this one's easy to answer, "About three packs? One for each meal I suppose." Mayo is in a way like a drug to her, never had she dared to imagine living without it.

Youko stared. She was expecting one at most, but three? Now she really feared for the girl's well being. It was probably a wonder she hadn't developed a heart attack or something. She had to do something before it's too late.Even if it was harsh. "From now on, you're BANNED from consuming that _thing_ again. Understood?"

Natsuki stared at the teacher as if eight pair or arms had suddenly sprung from her head. How could she DENY her, her mayo? That's ridiculous, absurd, totally, unmistakably son-of-a-BLASPHEMY. Her mind was in such disarray it was virtually impossible for her to utter, or even think of anything else than profanity, mayo, and a rather graphic image involving Youko, Duran, and red substances.

Youko turned towards Shizuru, who had somehow managed to find herself a cup of tea and was sipping it peacefully. "And I assume you would make sure of it?"

Setting her empty cup down, the girl she addressed smiled, "Of course. I will tend to it. I wouldn't want to see Natsuki's beautiful figure ruined."

_So that's what her true intention is... Argh- scratch that. This is MY mayo you're talking about!_

"But WHY? What does my mayo has to do with my weight? And what the hell does my weight has to do with my SUIT?" Natsuki half-shouted rather hysterically, but definitely angry, like a drug addict stripped of her, well- drugs, duh. The last part of the sentence was directed at Shizuru, since it was her fault in the first place to drag her towards this clearly mayo-hating place. That _woman _must have had a personal vendetta against mayo.

"Do you know that a pack of this THING contains well over FIVE THOUSAND calories?" Youko retorted back with equal ferocity, her figures were a _little_ distorted, but oh well, it was for the rampaging girl's own good anyway, "And consuming THREE of this THING would result in a fatal amount of FAT entering your system? Consuming THREE of this THING a day would result in gaining an alarming amount of weight before YOU would even know it. UNDERSTOOD?"

"Ugh-" Gritting her teeth, Natsuki tried to find a rebuttal, but found herself unable to. No matter how much she had tried to deny it, she finally had to accept that mayo in _indeed_ the culprit to her suit's sudden '_shrink_'. As much as she **_LOVED _**mayo, she wasn't ready to lose her figure yet. It was a battle of Mayo vs. Figure, as much as she wanted to just run away to a secluded island like the main character of an anime about some dorky inn full with violent girls, she knew she had to solve this now.

If she was to give up mayo, she would lose her excess weight and her suit would stop choking her arteries. Gee, she wasn't even sure if she could last a day without that highly addicting sauce. But if she relented and let herself be swept away to human's carnal desire, she'd face the risk of becoming a walking flab, something she would never even dare to imagine. How unsightful it would be. She shuddered from even thinking about it.

What about Shizuru? What would _she_ do if teas are fattening like mayo, and she was forced to even consider Tea vs. Figure? …Scratch it, she'd probably choose tea anyway, or work around it _somehow._ That somehow is what Natsuki was trying to figure, but soon gave up since the elegant-tea-sipping kaichou is much too unpredictable for her to gain insight on.

After a long battle against her raging desires, she had finally came to a hard-earned resolution.

---

"15 minutes of stretching

30 minutes stationary bike

30 minutes treadmill

3x 15 oblique crunches

2x 20 hanging leg lifts

2x 15 Bench Dips

3x 10 Triceps pushdown

2x 12 Overhead triceps extension

2x 15 Flys

3x 20 Bench Pre- Heck, are you trying to _kill_ me?"

"Of course not, I would be sad if Natsuki died."

Natsuki glared at the piece of paper full of incomprehensible fitness terms disbelievingly. She knew agreeing to give up on _her_ mayo was a mistake. She knew it. Somehow, she felt like she was going to end up crippled after this.

"Ugh- do I have to do this everyday?"

Shizuru looked at her stunned friend with a hint amusement, "Of course not, Natsuki…"

A sigh of relief.

"The one Natsuki read will be for day one only."

Fear slowly gripped the younger girl's heart, "There's… another one?"

Shizuru smiled at her, her hands perfectly holding her cup of tea gracefully. "Ara, the program changes everyday, didn't the trainer inform Natsuki?"

Natsuki didn't know what say, she seriously didn't, she can only think of how free falling from Tokyo Tower would be a far less painful route.

"Oiii Kuga, heard you got fat huh?" A voice of a certain girl with a hobby of tying up men and leaving them in alleys was heard from across the hall.

But not before dragging Nao with her first.

End.

---

I must confess, I posses Natsuki's obsession towards mayo. I mean seriously, how can people say mixing mayo with ramen disgusting? But then again, I was known for mixing together everything (latest attempt: cola with sushi+tempura udon). You should try it, it's great (grins).

Well, anyways, I created this story based on the IFs of Natsuki not having a super ultra lightning fast metabolism, so don't sue me for its apparent lackluster. Ah, and I have no idea how much a 160cm tall Japanese girl should weigh. I guess 61 (or whatever I put) is quite enough to make clothes _shrink_? Since I myself is a 173cm goril- I mean female weighing 54 (which is underweight, mind you, therefore I don't know how much people normally weigh). But then Japanese are famous for being small boned and super slender, maybe that's a tad bit too much… but then 160 is quite tall… ugh… well, just pretend that 50 something is their ideal weight, shall we?

Oh, please do review, I shall cherish you. And I apologize if my fic would insult overly-sensitive people, whoever they shall be. This is only a fic, guys.


End file.
